Thursday, February 4, 2010

Blind writing and talking and thinking. Pay no attention.

The inevitable cycle of letting myself fail has begun once again. I don't know why or where failure became a part of my life. All I know is that it is there. Sometimes it sits dormant for years and then right when things are great, BAM! I fall flat on my face.

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I am wondering what my TRUE passion in life is. Photography, painting, writing, they all seem so fleeting. And while I love them I don't think my world would be over and I wouldn't be complete without them. I watch movies and hear stories of passion. Stories of roller derby, photography, singing, hockey, music.. it makes me feel very strange. I love lots of things and maybe might be "good enough" at those things but am I passionate, do I love it?

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I dont know anymore. I wish I could say life were so much more simple when I was a kid but it wasn't. It never has been and I beginning to doubt that it ever will be. Sometimes I even think that after I die, I will still not get the rest and simplicity that I so desire.

2 comments:

Eric said...

i hope you will watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

lrwaldon said...

My Dearest daughter Juanita,

You are wondering down the same road I've traveled, searching for the kind of peace that can only come from one source.

I think it is best said with the following verses from the Bible...

ST JOHN
CHAPTER 14

26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

....You, my daughter, are a child of Heavenly Father. A royal Princess with Eternal prospects not yet out of your reach. All you need is to find the courage to make the choice for yourself. Forgive yourself, and the rest will come.

Please watch this video, it speaks the testimony of my heart....

HE LIVES: A Testimony of Jesus Christ